Almost 20 years ago I was given the vision of MAIDEN SPIRIT and began the journey of creative movement from conception to manifest reality in varieties of evolving forms. I’ve shared an intimate journey of awakening with many wise women mentors, girls, and their families. We’ve experienced Maiden Spirit together through many programs, spring equinox community gatherings, and year end closings. So much of my life! This year, for the first time, I will not help to organize or facilitate Maiden Spirit’s Portland Community June year-end celebration and I was okay with that. Or so I thought…
Recently I received a message from Spirit in the the form of 5 butterfly larva for me to tend and nurture inside a little in-door garden. Eventually my beautiful little friends emerged from the chrysalis. I continued to feed them sugar water on flowers every morning and wasn’t sure when to let them go…. watching them grow gave me so much pleasure!
Several days ago I noticed that my butterflies had stopped moving and I got really scared!!! Did I leave them inside their garden too long? Were they dead? I took them outside, carefully placing them on the grass. Their wings were tightly closed and there was no movement. Was I a terrible butterfly keeper who had not been tuned in enough to notice that it was time to set them free? I felt horrible!!
Eventually, after what seemed an eternity, I noticed one butterfly moving her little legs very slowly. I put out my finger and she crawled on. Slowly, slowly she gathered her strength, pushed opened her wings. We had a long conversation…maybe 30 minutes went by before she was ready and then she up and flew away. One by one each of the butterflies, in their own time, came alive and took flight. I felt ecstatic and a little sad to see them go. I also felt strangely empty for most of that day and into the next.
Like with my butterflies, I loved witnessing the beauty and shining light of the many, many faces of Maiden Spirit who grew wings and flew away during my active years with the program. Rivers of magical wisdom sharing and learning, creative expression and fostering contribution to the creation of a better world with the girls, were such an integral part of my life. I loved being there in person. My heart spills over with memories of this journey that culminated with the opportunity to mentor my own Granddaughter through a Maiden Spirit 1st year program last year, most likely the last time that I will ever work with girls in this way.
Through every step of the way, I was there, fully engaged – body, mind, heart, and soul. A very big part of me never wanted this to end. At the same time, for at least 5 years or more, I have been feeling a call to expand out into the world and blaze a trail for the Life Blessing Institute – for Maiden Spirit and other offerings on-line. Slowly we stopped offering Maiden Spirit and Peace Warrior Mentor trainings.
As the magic of life would have it, the morning I released my butterflies a dear friend and Maiden Spirit mentor Jodie and I had a conversation. She helped me to become conscious of repressed feelings and what those butterflies represented to me.
She helped me understand that, along with those butterflies, I was finally truly letting Maiden Spirit go, at least in the form I’ve known her. I realized I’ve been holding on and on, almost past the time when it was healthy to do so. I held on long enough for my granddaughter’s Maiden Spirit experience and now it is time to release this precious butterfly.
And then came the tears. Even as I write these words big splashing, heart opening, tears of love, sadness, and immense gratitude all rolled up into one river of tears are flowing down my cheeks. Tears of grief and joy, love, and acceptance of change.
If there is something you know you need to let go of but have been resisting…This is the secret of letting go my Maiden Spirit butterflies taught me and I offer it to you: Face the truth. Feel the loss. Trust in a future you cannot see, do what ever it takes to make your change. Something wonderful will come of it.
Maiden Spirt will continue on in my heart, in the lives of the maidens who have already flown away, and with maidens who will be tended and nurtured by the Maiden Spirit mentors carrying on into the future. Today, I will facilitate the first class of our first on-line training: “BEAUTIFUL YOU:From Girl to Woman”.
I think Maiden Spirit has found her new wings and so have I!
